An Evening at Tim Tam Cafetaria.

An Evening at Tim-Tam Cafetaria

MeiMei- " Hi Fifi, Hi Cece, how is life going on?" ,( Saying it in super- excited, charged up mode as always)

Fifi- "Yeh life is Good !! "
Cece- "Good as always ",( as he smokes his cigarette). " So Fifi what kind of man are you looking for?"
Fifi- (staring at Cece) "Do u really want to know??"
Cece- "Ofcourse I would want to know".
Fifi- "Well I am educated woman, professionally sound, smart looking woman. I can pay my own bills, take care of my family, good friends, i drive my own car, travel the world over, with all the money i have buy a house & everything I want. Interestingly today I am in a position to ask- I have it all."
" what can you bring to the table", I'll ask.
Cece- (Frowning, jumping from his chair) "You mean in terms of position, status, money. Is that all you want ."Money & financial security""
Fifi- (Staring at Cece again)- " Its not materialistic security, its much more than that."

- I am looking for man who believes in communication & mental simulation.
- I am looking for man who understands emotions & the insecurities alongwith it, by not get hassled. Who
believes in togetherness and not our relationship as second option or worth of second opinions.
- I am looking for a man who believes in the sancity of the relationship
- I am looking for a man whom I respect,as he respects "us", he never takes my submissiveness or love for
granted. I will never have issues stepping back for making together a home.
-I am looking for a man who is sensitive to understand what as woman I feel & go through.
- I am looking for man who is willing to move ahead financially, emotionally & spiritually in life- together
connected yet being indiviuals.

Cece- (Aghast, with his mouth wide open & dropping his cigarette in the ash tray)- "You are asking for lot, especially from me, my Love Fifi."
Fifi-(standing up,adjusting her tight black skirt )- " Becos I am worth, truly worth a lot."

Cece kept staring at Fifi as she winked & walked on the pavement outside the Tim-Tam Italian cafetaria towards her car.

Meimei- (thinking)In this era where people fall in and out in relationships or rather love, how important yet so difficult is to realise our own worth, self-respect not arrogance. Sometimes it is so important to say to your ownself that you love your self, you are ure own person- Who is real & worth of every single happiness, who has the power of loving, giving & in turn receiving it all. Its not only about money, living, sleeping together, but an unsaid trust, understanding, sensitiveness between two people.So you can together say that every moment you live together with one another is WORTH IT. Cos I am WORTHY to be HAPPY.

With this MeiMei thought of the night before of unhappiness & thought aloud - " I am not a second fiddle to anyone".

I am Real - Really !!!

I am Real

" What is real" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day, when Hobbyhorse & Velveteen Rabbit were lying side by side, before Nana came to tidy up the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick -out handle?
" Real isnt how you are made up " said the Skin Hobby Horse." Its something that happens to you".When a child loves you for long , long time, not just play with you, but really loves you then you become real".

"Does it hurt", asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes" said the Skin Horse, as he was always truthful.When you are real, you dont mind being hurt.
"it doesnt happen all at once", said the Skin Horse.

"You become real, it takes long time. That's why it doesnt happen to people who break, or have sharp edges, or have carefully kept their treasure of self & love. Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, you can be shabby & maybe penniless by then. But things dont matter at all, because once you are real, you cannot be ugly at all,except to people who dont understand

I am Real... Thought the Velveteen rabbit and So did I :)

Sptunik- Art of conversation

'Sptunik'

Cece (in his mind- Lost in his thoughts)- hello, How are u?

Fifi- ( in her thoughts, upset & sad)- I am very good, absolutely fine. How about you Cece?

Cece- ( upset over being sacked from company)- Oh, I am doing fantastic, great life.

Well this is what is usually our mode of conversation, our practiced art of conversation in our dayto day life. We as a practice tend to talk more & hardly communicate, hardly do we believe in effective listening.

I clearly recall my confession within ( not publicly) of being talktative ( though 100 % non communicative) &bad listener (though understanding ;)). Having feeling this over and over again of non communicative and faltu (aimless) talk at work & home.I decided to work late in my office to avoid "faltu talk syndrome" caught on me all these years, i felt wonderful. But again it made me more upset & sad as I dint have a single soul to converse in this ever growing population of friends & acquitance list.Finally i did meet somebody with whom I felt I could effectively converse, but i guess i failed miserably in effective listening & negative talk section.

Interestingly, it makes me feel we all are as chartacers of a story we struggle to connect but sometimes we just stop communicating with our own self.Like Sptunik we remain lonely despite the endless chit chat & talking all around.It becomes simultaneosuly mundane, disturbing where everything is a cockpit of losing of identity ,complete isolation & alienation despite Talk-people around. Sad but this is what most people feel in today's borrowed world of so called "Conversation" leading to epitome of loneliness.

The very essence of conversation is "Relationship"-- which is with the subject or person or idealogy or comapnionship or actually mutual exchange of ideas. I guess in private conversations we lose the essence of " relationship" which is again seperating discussion( confronting a certain point as right or wrong) from conversation ( to learn/connect about others their opinion,expereinces, nature etc.) i.e: building trust. I dont remember meeting anyone in a long time who considers an indiviual a fascinating human being- who is prone to making mistakes yet we in our chains of ego keep letting go the beautiful moments.

Considering the current realm its important to be a good listener- it means not hearing but effective listening, which means giving to others emotionally. Avoid interrupting ( i am saying this to myself),dont anticipatethe discussion to end so u can make ure point, not to make sharp reply else it makes the person defensive, no fighting, confrontation. Really important to understand :) & build environment of trust.Most important in towards world we make

Conversation as reason to escape from reality. Negative talks are a strict no no...:), sometimes all it takes it saying sorry and letting go off the ego. Its eventually the relationship which has to be the core & thus win than the indiviualstic ego.

Conversation is a tool of creation; it pulls us out of isolation, builds connections & strengthens our connection with the beautiful people who are a part of our lives and expands our world.

Tippy Tippy Tap- Which color do you want

Tippy Tippy Tap

I was trying to understand the concepts explained by My Chemistry teacher in XII standard sitting on the first seat of the first row when i was all of 16. On the extreme end were Richa & Khyobeni sitting also on the first seat,staring blankly at the blackboard. P.S: naughty & weak students were made to sit on the first seat.Suddenly i turned my head to the left to stare at the window panes, Richa & khyobeni turned their heads right & for no reason we started smiling & laughing. Our Chemistry teacher noted this laughter session between the rows & scolded us. But as they say never say never mind- the laughter sessions along with the package of scolding& being thrown out of the classroom continued till the end of the year.

It reminds of also of my distant cousin Rani who was my friend too when I used to visit my village. Of all the fun i had of bathing in the river canal,of trying to run in the maize fields,smelling & touching the yellow flowers in the fields, of talking secretly about some boy, staring at the stars in the night,drinking lassi from the brass tumbler, trying hold the horns of the buffalo, running around after the hens & the chickens, of teaching her & others tippy tippy tap etc. etc.

These memories struck me when I got in touch with Richa after years together possibly a decade. O' how much I miss all of my care + free days & classmates whom I have known since i was 3 1/2 years old till i was 17. Childhood days were fun.There was happiness,laughter, child-like or kiddish innocene,trust,freedom from thought or what will happen next. We just laughed our hearts out with any pain or remorse or recalling any pain.

Happiness cos of the freedom of not looking beyond the current. Infact had no clue about these hi-fi words as mentioned.

Where are the carefree roads of happiness !!!

That is the land of lost content

I see it shining plain,

The happy highways where I went

And cannot come again.
But again I sometimes feel the openess & happiness of childhood still calling-
Come on people move

For I (childhood) is calling

time to get up and groove

there is no time for stalling

your life has just begun

Mara & Maya- Deaf & Stupid

I sought to learn. It was the self I wanted to free myself & overcome. I wasnot able to overcome it, I could only decieve it, flee from it & hide from it. There is nothing in this world I know less about than myself.That I know nothing about myself, that has remained alien and unkown to me,stems caused from one cause to one single cause:
A cause:I am afraid of myself, I am & was fleeing from myself.I searched and searched,I was dissecting myself, brutually peeling of the layers to find the core of each peel, each entity, a part.I have lost myself in that process.
Long dreams flowed from high to toe. Like the flowing water with all tides & their breath.
No longer do i begin my thoughts & life - looking beyond and the suffering of the self, u & the world.I donot want to kill & dissect myself any longer, to find the secret of the ruins. Neither the Vedas, nor the atma, nor any teachings of search teach no more. I want learn of myself , want to be a student, want to know myself,the secret of me.The secret of Siddartha.
Siddartha-Purpose & essence is not behind the things, they are in them, within them.

How deaf & Stupid I have been !! Mara & Maya