Christmas Message

Christmas Christmas time is a time for love
Christmas is a time to love the ones you value most your one and only
Christmas time is a time to get in peace with God - your all father
Christmas time is a time of true happiness to be shared with all
Christmas is time to find oneself again
Christmas time is time to shower everyone with kindness, care and love
Christmas time is time flowering, adundance & adventure
Christmas truly is a time for joy , peace, love & prosperity.
Christmas is a time for heartfelt moments with everyone including God

Cry Baby :(

The year 2010 is about to end & I am still here wondering ..taking count of what all happened & who did what & what was the outcome but all I can scream is and hum now is


IT FEELS LIKE PERMANENT DECEMBER
SO MUCH COLDER THAN I CAN REMEMBER

Heaven Above- Te amo

Tum ho tu gata hai dil
Tum ho tu hawa mein bhi mohabatein ka rang hai
Tum ho tu rahein bhi hain
Tum nahi tu rastein kahan
Tum ho tu yahan sab hi hain
Tum nahi tu kaun yahan
Tum ho tu hai har pal mehrban ye
Tum Mile tu milli ye zindagi




Yesterday for the first time I accidently heard the complete song from the movie "Rock On". It reminded or rather brought forth the reality that there are certain stages or times in one's lives when no matter how strong or independent one is as an indiviual we all yearn for a certain "Special Someone" .

The Special Someone with whom our entire world is spinning round and round, the path on which the two walk is the same, every moment whether good or bad or worse is lived together, whose presence is as beautiful as a wonderful dream, with whom after days/months/years the journey is mesmerising and fills the world around, whose presence fills the whole room & everything around, with whom you can share & celebrate your birthday, anniversarys,cat fight days, cribbing days, wonderful days & nights and entire bag of occassion

Actually with whom the World is Here .. Right Now !!
Actually with someone the World is Love... Right Now !!

Special Someone's mostly fall from Heaven & the walk of life gets easier than it never seemed--- is what I was told as a kid :)

Main Tenu Samjhwavan Ki

Ve changa nahiyo kitta biba dil mera thod ke
Ve bada pachytaya tha tere naal Jod ke

Dance of Freedom

She is made to realise that she neither has any acting skills nor musical skills nor the self confidence.Alice does her small magical performance and expresses herself through a ballet dance. It was Alice who got Hana introduced to the Ballet dance which help Hana get rid of the shell she has been enclosed in, becoming the person she is today.

Just yesterday was watching the " Ballet Dance " of Alice from Hana and Alice I was again mesmerized for the nth time.

The dance reminds me of the " dance of freedom" which just like the "ballet dance" signifies freedom from constraints, relishing harmony and balance within oneself, working in co-operation with one's ownself. It signifies that no matter how high or low your state or how uncontrollable, it is the balance within which will slowly and steadily make you centered ( just like the

Dance of freedom is the frivolity, happiness, your own magic which managed to touch you like warm ray of sunshine touching your face...

A msytery unthinkable
Now to live is the life of my soul
A Fall just to save my soul
Come come all the lost and found
We're gonna dance dance dance
In the freedom we know
Cos the freedom we know is gonna Last forever & here to stay

Namma Usiru (Life)- All Good Things -1

Me & Aps were chit chatting in the Auto rickshaw on the way to the Brigade Road, this day also happens to be the one when I had a temperature of 102 deg F ( Now Imagine how deseperate one can be for be shopping that any escape from Work turns one in to a Retail Therapy propogator)

Me - Arrey Only Rs 40. from Location K to Brige Road
Rick Guy 1 ( about 60 years old)- Yes Madam, this Rs. 40 is what I will charge you
Me ( Shocked))- Uncle... ( Pausing)... but havent the rates changed
Rick Guy 1- Yes Madam, I dont have the new rate card, So I cannot charge you people extra
Me- ( More Shocked), Aps ( Shocked)
Rick Guy 1- Dont worry madam dont feel bad, please give me Rs. 40. I cannot cheat
Me ( Super Shocked, short of words)- Please calculate based on the new Rate how much do we pay.
Rick Guy 1 ( Did Some calculation)- Okay Madam if you insist its Rs. 50
Me ( Super Duper shocked)- Okay please take Rs. 50
Rick Guy 1- Thank you madam
Me ( Absolutely Shocked)- Uncle Please take extra Rs.5
Rick Guy 1- No Madam
Me ( About to Faint)- Please Uncle Please take Extra Rs. 5 ( which he takes), I have never ever met a Rick Shaw Driver as Honest & Sincere as you. I dont have words you certainly deserve an Award. You are great, its very difficult to find people like you especailly in this corrupted Auto rickshaw driver's world. If ever you need any help please let me know.
Rick Guy 1 ( sheepishly smiling)- Thank you Madam, Nice to hear such words ( as he about to leave)

As I was walking on the busy lane of Brigade Road, it brought a smile & made me teary eyes with happiness i.e: there are still people who live by Principles. In this world where dear/ loved ones, lovers , friends cheat & break promises & trust. Today there was this RickShaw Driver who told me "Yes - Trust, Committment & Values exist and are not mere words "

Thank You very Much Mr. Abdul, it was wonderful riding in your AutRickshaw

STAND BACK - In the middle of the room

It's time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that you would have already outgrown if you hadn't been so busy clinging to what you have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if you must, and bid it a fond and reverent farewell. Life is passing you by, and you're in danger of becoming an old fossil before your time- (apparently which I am reminded of time and time again in some form or the other)

In all this ho hum of "past spaces" there is another almost abandoned space " Wait" In silence and waiting something inside you goes on growing--your authentic being. And one day it jumps and becomes a flame, and your whole personality is shattered; you are a new being. And this new being knows what ceremony is, this new being knows life's eternity ........MY ETERNAL BLISS....

WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT....STAND BACK ... SOMETIMES its alright to stand in the line :)

BRANGLING BUMKINS- Story of an Appam

Very Interesting conversation, before XXY puts up this one on own blog ( which I accidently during the heated discussion suggested), I am gonna be the go getter.

Me- $$*U&DSD I called & u hung up on me- &*($)#UHJ( and put me on Smart mail
XYY- No No dont mis understand
Me- $^%(#&%$^#
XXY- Why are u reacting, what did u eat today ( jokingly with winkie smile)
Me- U $&#*(@ I had PETTI APPAM
XXY- What ?? BETTI APPAM
Me- No PETTI APPAM
XXY- What ETTI APPAM or what ETTI BUM..Now Bums ..pause ...here also
ME - Are u kidding me -- ITS PETTI APPAM-- U %&E&#&@
XXY- APPAM I understand whats this Appam, Bum ..hehehe!!
Me- What crap, you are a Madrasi and still u dont understand this word
XXY- What now all South Indians are Madrasis, I am not a Madrasi madam.. How am I supposed to know this Appam?
Me- Hello you have been eating Appams since you are a kid, only been a few years you've been out & you dont remember
XXY- So how does that matter
Me- &%*%($ dammit its PETTI APPAM
XXY- what TATTI APPAM, now u are having TATTI ( actual faeces/shit/crap) APPAM.
Me- %&%*%* what do u mean I am having TATTI ( faeces), are you crazy, its bullshit crap
XXY- Thats what you have been saying all this while TATTI APPAM
Me- ITS PETTI APPAM
XXY- hehehehehehehhehhehehehhe
Me- &%&&%&%

Ironically Please note -- due to conversations of similar nature some bits might have been fragmented & interwindled.

Speak Your Mind- Auto Scare :(

Last two weeks were an endless marathon in fighting with every 2nd autowala for a ride ( not a free but a paid ride)

Day 1
Me- Will you go to S Location?
AutoWala 1- Yes Madam, but 20 Rupees extra
Me- Why Extra ?
Autowala- Traffic, its raining & a trend now for you IT people to give extra money
Me- No , I will not give you extra money
Autowala- Okay madam I will take you to S Location
Me- Enjoying the 35 min auto ride, when the Auto stops in the middle of the ride at a secluded spot.
Autowala- Madam you will have to give me 100 Rupees otherwise I will not take you any further
Me- Okay I will get down from yor rick, but I am calling the police
Autowala - Madam who the hell are you to call the police and runs away
Me- Standing on the road feeling upset after a huge fight with the auto wala- early morning drainage

Day 2
Me - will you go to S Location?
Autowala- Madam 120 rupees
Me- Nope 50 rupees by meter, why do I pay you 120 rupees!!
Autowala- No Madam I will not take you .
Me- Okay Okay,10 rupees extra on meter
Autowala- Okay
Me when reached the destination, the meter shows 90 rupees since it was tampered
Me- Super shocked- Boss whats this?
AUtowala- Yes Madam you will have to give me 100 rupees now
Me- No, u tampered with your meter
Autowala- No gimme 100 Rs.
Me- after giving him Rs. 100 felt upset & cheated

Day 3
Me- Will you go to S Location
Autowala- No
Me- reaches to the traffic guy- Sir the autowala is refusing to go to S Location
Traffic Guy- So madam what should I do, get a car for you!!
Me- Excuse me you are the traffic guy you are supposed to help me
Traffic Guy- Go Go dont waste time
Me- I will call the traffic guys and complaint
Traffic Guy & Autowala- Laughing
Me- crossing the road and nearly in tears- cant I get one auto.

These everyday fights with autowalas are draining me down, they spoil my mood in the morning & in turn the entire day, wonder what is happening to Bangalore !!
It was such a pleasant experience when I arrived here few years back today it seems to be a different story.
Bangalore Whats happening !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Long as u love me--- says this afternoon

Its a beautiful monday morning , noon and afternoon. It feels I am a some vagabond in a white dress running around flowers and plucking peaches from the tree and apart from singing lalalalalalal, since morning who cant stop singing these lines

Palakon se hothon se tak jo rah nikalti
Guzrein na tu wahan se, se yeh galti hai
Rehte hain aab hum wahan !!!

Kadamon ko sambhalen nazron ka kya karein
Nazron ko sambhlein tu dil ka kya karein
Dil ko sambhale zubaan !!!

Aise chale jab hawa

Wonderful day, a small girl gave me a red rose, a dog was playing with my dupatta while i was walking on the road, I found the corner seat far away from my boss, the morning drizzle
I know it will be 5 pm soon & all this will go in the drain when the wretched TCONs start .. Phew !!!

FOR NOW THIS MORNING + AFTERNOON says--- I dont care who u are , where u are from, what u did as long as u love me !!
FOR NOW I SAY- ITs a beautful day even when I know u (day) are on the run !1

WOT-Waste of Time

Its 4:30 am in the morning here and absolutely awake thinking of nothingness and emptiness within and outside.

A thought which passes my mind- Life has way of letting you know that the solutions to your situation are going to be arrived at by following your hunches and listening to your body. Trusting one's instincts and carry happiness with you instead of searching for it before setting out on the journey called life.

Life has a way of teaching lessons by creating situations which we never want to be in & hear words like " you are over", " I dont forsee any future", "DOnt you get it - it doesnt exist", " stop being a social obligation" ," you are a torture"

Ultimate admonition to be yourself, to go for it- says someone !

Clingy was here-- Forgot LET GO

Its very hard to let go of something even when you think in your head you have let go or have been rattling -Let go, precisely due to the reason that a small teeny weeny memory and kick start and back fire in a bad way, leading to absolute drainage of the emotional self & others.
These days my mind is hovering again with Transformation- Death +Tower along with Drainage ( five of coins)and CLingy ( 4 of coins). This combination is devastating I suppose as it seems to be cyclic.

More Pronounced of all is Clingy ( 4 of coins)--This card is not rigid but I would say Mr. Clingy. Having a desire to cling to a romance that your lover and maybe you have both outgrown; this holding on will pass when there is realization of futility. This tendency is to hold on and on and dig your own grave. Again it makes me feel of lack of vision or unable to put a stop to self-destructive cyclic pattern & combined with the loss, grief, wandering, loneliness.

Looks like I am again in the state-Destruction+ Clingy ( too bad)-->Hanged Man ( very bad )..:( :( :( :(

lastly I would say if you know me by now you will help me LET GO of CLINGY at any cost !!

Finding Neverland- Wonderland

This is one of the most beautiful pictures I have seen in a really long time. The reason why I copied it, is to precisely describe the essence of this picture

It gave me feeling of being in the Land of Narnias-something like straight from the fairyland, in some ways it seems to be beautiful painting in the olden times in America wherein the Red Indians resided. It makes me feel life is all about flowing and letting go ( which by far has been the most difficult thing for me).

The beauty of the picture is that every single object - talks for itself has so much life in it. The colors and entanglement of the roots,the light falling on certain angles, the path of the water flow, different colors of the leaves, every root has a different twist -like fate

A bridge which reminds me we are all here to bridge bonds no matter entangled they might be cos just like the water it all free flowing.

Completely mesmerised !!

Quote Chap

Totally taken aback was this one !!!

" Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something " by Henry David Thoreau.

Reminded me that too much of everything is simply not good, even if it out of honesty or generosity, maybe or is it a case of truly not valuing or really balancing is the answer for all !

Hawt Hawt- "Cool- fee"

Since the days are hot very hot in Bangalore as opposed to the drenching evenings ( especially the moment when one is about to step out of the office)----- I am reminded of my ever favourite --- Rabdri Kulfi/Faluda Kulfi/Pista Kulfi/Matka Kulfi..



Kulfi is again Lazeez invented/introduced first in Uttar Pradesh in India. It is made from milk, i.e: slow cooking of milk, carmelization and then more cooking till it becomes half it actual amount, filled with nuts, pista, cardamons, saffron and poured in to molds of kulfis and literally deep frosted. ( Can be easily made at home)

 Faluda Kulfi - Kulfi ( without the stick) with sweet noodles/vermicilli
with colored sweetner sprayed on, pista and nuts are sprinkled and served in a
plate. The Noodles can be like smaller glass noodles too.
 Rabri Kulfi- Kulfi is poured in a glass, filled with noodles/vermicilli and other
ingredients, malai is often poured along with sweetners, nuts, pista etc. It is
available in different flavours.
 Matka Kulfi- As the name suggested is served in a matka, or earthern bowl, this
is usually minus the noodles/vermicilli but with loads of saffron and pistas.
Traditionally the vendor used to get the Kulfi in the matka and server it, or in
earlier days (my grandmom;'s days) since there were no refregirators for cooling
purpose was stored in matkas.
 Pista Kulfi- Is the Kulfi with stick, available in different flavours of rose,
pista, saffron, mango filled with nuts/minced cashwes and badams !


Special recommendations-
 Ghats of Ganga /Ganges near Haridwar try the rabri faluda, its served in huge
glass, value for money, very heavy, u can skip a meal if one has it.
 Delhi Kulfis- All types available in every knook and corner especially in the
summer season, North delhi, CP, Vikaspuri, Lajpat Nagar
 Kolkata- Rally's, not sure if its still there
 Bangalore- COmmerical Street, though not like the one made in North but still
 Old Amritsar has different varieties of Kulfis, tastes very different from the
one's in Delhi, really
 Places near the Golden temple, Amritsar serve great big sized kulfis another hot
spot.
Lastly any any vendor in North India, UP, Rajasthan- the taste will be awesome. Worst case try the Haldirams !! Phew !

Ku-l-fi---Oh La La !!!!
Please note the images have been copied

Hate to Admit--- Kach Kach Kachori !!!

Since its been pouring cats and dogs every evening in Bangalore, chatt patti kachori is another way out to seek eternal bliss i.e: for the gasping tongue and hungry tummy.

Kachori / Raj Kachori /Khasta Kachori/Chat Kachori as it referred in North/North Western India, hate to admit not sure what it is called in Punjabi though, never saw them in there, but folks tell me they have eaten kachoris there "n" number of times!!




Kachori is made of urad dal/lentils ( yellow colored) which is soaked all night, mashed- turned flour, kneaded with besan and small/big round balls are made, each stuffed with potatoes (if u want), green chillies paste, garam masala, salt, red chillies, salt, amchur ( all mixed and prepared) and deep fried in desi/pure ghee. i.e: ghee made from buffalo's milk only !!!

Kachoris range from small size to super man size, it is usually served hot, sometimes the vendor cracks it from the centre and stuffs it with jeera and others with chutney which is a bit sweet or curd with gratings . Onion/Jeera/Potato/Garam Masala/Keema etc. Kachori are the variants.

Tips- Make sure you hold it (gawar) bite it and let the krisp krisp sound be heard , for this one dont gulp but munch it --krisp. Advice- Dont drink water immediately u will lose the taste ( sweet and salty)

Recommendations :-
 For this you can visit Haldirams (expensive) but you can get your big size
bit there in A/C
 Please visit chandini chowk, areas closer to old delhi railway station and
nai sarak (book lane) - just be beware of the hovering hookers & gaysthere !!
 Make sure the raj kachori is served hot
 Try local made tamarind chutney- irrespective of place
 If you ever visit Roorkee,Uttaranchal (on the way to Haridwar) please visit
the shop in front of the Masjid in the Bazar--- awesome Kachori even if it
is cold
 Visiting Pali, interiors of rajasthan ,on the way to Binani Cement Plant
visit a local vendor -- freshly made Kachori (hope he is still there- 5
years back)
 Border of Gujarat and Rajasthan-- there are numerous places which serve
small sized kachoris dipped literlly swimming in the chutneys
 Every happen to visit Kanpur, Allahabad-- your super King sized kachori is
just awaiting

Last but not the least try some Raj Kachori in areas Lajpat Nagar, Sarojini Nagar, CP in Delhi. The local guy might charge Rs.20-30 for one !!!

Happy Krisp Krisp !!
Note the picture is copied

My Love- Golo !!

Gol Guppas is what I have been munching on last weekend -every evening i.e: friday-sunday. This was especially since it was raining every evening , the weather was awesome and koel was singing--coo coo coo.....Awesomely romantic with neglibile presence of any man !!! Ironic...

Gol Guppas are an evening snack of the North Indian also referred to as-- Pani Puri Puchka, Chat Pakori etc. They are round or spherically either made of maida or wheat and consumed in one shot i.e: entire sphere is nicely placed in the wide opened mouth (publicly) and gulped/eaten in one shot, the point is not to bite it but gulp.

Gol Guppas were introduced on the ghats of Benaras, UP in the 16th/17th century. It is usually served by breaking the round thing from the centre and adding spicy mashed potatoes, green chilli, red chilli, dhaniya (donno the english word) dipped in the pani / spicy water and served.
Actually the best part about gol guppas is the Spicy Spicy Pani/Water-- made by adding jal jeera, salt, rock salt, nimbu/lemon.

Special recommendations :-
 Please visit if local gol guppa vendor with his traingular shaped stand with
heaps of gol guppas on top
 Dont visit Haldirams in delhi or any inside eating joint they are too
expensive and sweet, Gawd save you if u happen to eat gol guppas in
commercial street in Bangalore ( Both not recommended).
 Try out both sweet and salt gol guppas (seperately)
 Ask for a "Dhonna" or local dry sal leaves cup to drink the Khatta Pani
 Ask for "Shont" if u want it a bit sweet
 In the end dont leave with taking your due share of "Dry Papdi" which is
filled with potatoes, chilli and lemon..Yum Yum...


Last but not the least --- dont spend more than Rs. 10 on one gol guppa plate!!!!

Happy Gulping !!!

Rebel

Rebel that is the word which I ve associated myself with, despite the fact that I tried permutations and combinations in my head to somehow be a revolutionary as rebel is more coined towards "sudden gush of action/emotiona which is uncontrolled or more unconscious and not alert"


I was extremely delighted today when I saw the Rebel Zen Card for myself- This is the description which i related on seeing the card which made me so HAPPY & RELATABLE ( strangely except the colors which had less of red):-

The powerful and authoritative figure in card is clearly the master of his own destiny. On his shoulder is an emblem of the sun, and the torch he holds in his right hand symbolizes the light of his own hard-won truth.

Whether he is wealthy or poor, the Rebel is really an emperor because he has broken the chains of society's repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself by embracing all the colors of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. His very way of being is rebellious - not because he is fighting against anybody or anything, but because he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it. The eagle is his spirit animal, a messenger between earth and sky.

The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.

In Short- rebel with alertness is the word !!!!

Ego Self-Blabbering

Ths is again related to my new found experience of figuring out & seeing the ego self and the higher self seperately..literally speaking !!! The immense love and union between the two makes me cry with happiness or because of my ignorance all this while. The relevation ( in progress) that you need to love yourself and never let yourself go away from yourself, be with yourself

Maybe its to do with my chakras opening up and the spirutal relevations & practices i have been doing over last 7-8 months.

--Ego self ( blabbering with loneliness)-I have had enuf of this parade and thinking of there are no words to say.. I open up on finished parts, broken up so many many parts.
--Ego Self ( sees the higher self)- When I see you , i know it will be next to me ... need to get closer....
--Higher Self- Lean on me now and forever !!!! :)
I will never leave you. :)
This is Anl- Haq !!!

Death-Transformation

I have always misunderstood and feared the Death card in tarot or tranformation card in Zen tarot but i recently realised this is what it actually means and its helpful,

a) just like a feeling when I visit Harmandir Sahib-Golden temple and bathe deep in the holy water and following which is sudden release of all fears and shackles followed by calmness and nothingness.


b) Freedom that allows for renewal. Sudden change brings fears of the unknown, but ultimately alters life in such a way as to initiate new growth. Natural course and progression of life. Lastly, Death is sometimes portrayed as a beautiful and dignified figure since dying can be seen as a blessing in release from suffering.

Change-- Two of coins

It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

Sukh aur Chan

Today on my way to work i saw two states- Sukh and Chan

A fragile stone breaker was sitting in his broken tent ( which was home for him) with his wife and two sons was eating bread and playing with his kids and his wife on the other hand was baking bread. There was no shikan or upsetness on the man's face he seemed so calm and happy with his life. There was or atleast seemed he had Chan or peace of mind.
Metphorically The man might be working in scorching sun but he eventually gets shade and someone to walk on the same road.

On the other hand me standing on the other end of the road, watching them and thinking i have a good job a comfortable life but where is the time , who is there to share it with. I am running after a butterfly.I am searching for something which anyone can seek is within oneself.
Metaphorically- I work in scorching sun but eventually all i get is turns and more turns but no shade or respite and i keep walking alone and there is no one on that road.


Sukh aur chan alag hain... par jo yeh dekhein woh nain alag hai....chan hai tu aapna sukh hai paray....

Disco Dancing Heart Blabbering

Some days are good, some days are bad.. bot SOME PHASES in life are extremely horrible & bad which seem to suck you like a quick sand --ranging from months to years... worst are the days when you have to blog about self for no reason and feel miserable about yourself as if its your personal diary here

Yes I am here to talk again about my recently acquired favourite topic called marriage & the search for someone ..please note not getting hooked on !!

After my series of encounters/discussions with friends recently when i visited delhi who are endlessly pouring gyan on what kind of a guy is suitable for me to consoling me every now and then for no apparent reason and as to what the hell i keep doing.

It makes me sad and happy at the same time cos probably recently i felt that my so called friends might be distant but in some ways they do care about me but ironically they never understood me or wanted to understand me or worst try to know anything about my past or emotional states. Maybe thats the way its with most people.

One important relevations by my friends--- Let go ... Let go ( which i neways always knew) and Its difficult to see your life passing you by and you cant do a thing about it ( which ive been doing most part of my life)


With a heavy disco dancing heart i write this down---

Jane na kahan woh hai duniya
Jane na woh hai bhi ya nahi
Jahan meri zindagi mujhse itni khafa nahi
main kho gayi kiski bahon mein
manzilon se rahein dhonti chali
khud kho gayi manzil kahin rahon mein

Last Summer

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Laughing in the rain
Our Last Summer
We made our way along the river and sat on the grass
I was so happy we had met
It was the edge of no regret
It was a crazy time
I took my chance as if it was my last dance
Worries faraway..now you are faraway....
Now there is no hero of my dreams

Yours Truly- Agitated

Yours truly- David Coverdale said...when agitated

I dont know where I am going But sure know that i've been hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday

Here I go Again on my own/going Down the only road Ive ever known, like a drifter I was born to walk alone.... I have made up my mind I aint wasting no more time

Yours Truly -Ripz said...when sad & agitated

It just ironic I (Ripz) havent made up my mind, still in suspended state, holding on to nothing and I am wondering when will I stop wasting my time.. & walk on the right road !!!!

Here I go again.........

My Playlist

These days i am listening to these songs --here n there

Spin Doctors- Two Princes
White Snake- IS this the love, Here I go Again, Solider of Fortune, Deeper the Love
Led Zepplin - Stairway to Heaven
GnR- November Rain
Tracy Chapman- Fast cars
John Lennon - Annies Song, Rhyme and reason
Poets of the Fall- Late Good Bye, Carnival of Lust
Poison- Every Rose has it thorn
Nirvana- come as you are, All Apologies, Teen Spirit
evanenescene- My Immortal
Roxette- Mustve been love, She's got the look.
Metallica- Nothing else matters, Enter Sandman, Unforgiven, Sad But true, Whereever I may roam
Red Hot chilli peppers- give away now,sometimes i feel that i donthave a partner so
Lisa Loeb- Stay
Nickelback- Far Away
London Calling- Ive been thinking about you
REM - Man on the Moon,Shiny Happy People

Sweet Nothings !!!

Apart from the fact that my days are filled with staring blankly at the wall or my laptop,my mind is continously filled up & I am realised by family/friends on " how to choose a right marriage partner" to " how immature i have been to all this while" to " How I should get married now " to "How agonising my life" is to "How love alone is not important" to "How scarred i might be i.e: beyond comprehension" to "How it is great to be taken care of" !!!

Few questions I am asked to ponder while feeling with my heart and utilising my brain --aka Formula One

1) Accept yourself and the other person i.e: after interacting with them for a few days. Accept the reality of each other
2) Liking is very important. You need to like the other person as a human being ( I thot i was a human being too)
3) COmpatibility of values & spirituality ( not religion)- This part i need to figure out.
4) Compatibility in expression & discussion of feelings- I understand it is not shouting & howling when u have a fight
5) Ability to look positively at situations - together . I dont understand this
6) Lover is not enough-- you need stability & a satisfying life.
7) Keep Jerks/Jolts out of your - the way you prefer to call them.i.e: Jerks are derivatives of derivatives !!!

I was bogged down after jotting these down and even more interesting despite the empty mind and days my heart is still overflowing...
Maybe it is truly a case of ---
too much love and yet not well enough
too much to give but not well receieved

Freaky Monday ' Middle Finger Kind' Morning ---Blues

Somedays are one one of it kinds and it gets even worse when its Monday Morning !!

I wake up early in the morning.. A dog was following me all the way to the fitness center...I happily send nice messages to someone and here nobody sends me a loving message back-- except a ' Good Morning'which made me sulk, analyse, overanalyse ... I fought with the auto wala for mere 20 bucks....The office is empty and luks like everyone around is on leave except me...My Mom calls me and yells at me for the obvious reasons i know....I say 'Sorry' to a stupid girl for no reason just to resolve an issue i have no clue about....My v good friend has started flirting with me which made me sob and feel i lost a friend & respect for him...My Billing issue is not sorted out...

Worst I an missing home... even worse I showed a middle finger to roadside romeo & lecher who was being nasty !!

I am irritated very irritated... Freaky Monday....Monday Blues.. Monday Morning Blues...

Formula Championship !!!!

Friend 1- Why do you like this person??
Friend 2- I like him because I feel I like him.I am an emotional person.
Friend 1- Are u sure its real emotions and not the chemicals in you !!!
Friend 2- I usually know when I meet a person whether i like him !!
friend 1- Interesting, so what are the parameters on which u like someone when you want to get in a serious relationship
Friend 2- eheemm !! I just know it, out of love,emotions
Friend 1- #$%%%*%)$)&^%$@

Friend 1- You need to have strategy/formulas of your own after all you have been dating from the last 10 years of your life.
Friend 2- Had I known the correct formula I wont be banging my head on the wall.Phew !!!!

I think most of us have been through similar situations at some point in time. It is very interesting that of all the different people I have met -who had & still have a successful relationship have told me different forumalas.

Formula One- Your so called emotions could be chemicals, adreanlines acting. Use your head too, eg: whether you have smilarities or not, cos eventually you dont want to be stuck with someone with whom u are poles apart.

Formula Two- It always your instinct, gut, emotions and how you feel at point in time about a person is the answer

Formula 3- Have options as many as possible and then see how u feel about them, be choosy. Look at the materialistic side of things too.

Formula 4-Dont get desperate, stay, analyse, feel with a cool head & keep your past aside and let things happen by themselves.

Formula 5- Leave it to God. Dont get attached.

After listening to all the 'n' number of formulas recently my head is spining round and round and I am going back and forth in my head --Heart and emotions are anyways loitering around & wasting time.

Eventually I have concluded and accepted--I have zero formulas/strategies to cling- no head no heart combination.
But for now i surely need to accept and love myself and let go :).. let go.....let go....to glory !!!!!!!

Just Like- Stairway to Heaven

After a long time today I faintly heard GnR being played on some one's PC in the office. It brought back memories of difficult yet loving relationship/s to me which may or may not be existing today. Contradictingly --It even makes me dream of something which is still in hiding. It is one of my favourite songs.



When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
COs nothin lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle, In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just trying to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's letting go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowing that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walking
In the cold November rain

Hanged Man

Last few hours the only word hovering on my mind is the Hanged Man. THere have been certain times wherein for days /months together there was a word which constantly struck me every now and then. For Instance last year April 2009- Nov 2009 the word was transformation the Card of Death and yes some events did made me realise it was indeed time for Transformation. ( Knowing an event before it actually happens)
But what is scaring me is the Hanged Man this has always scared me along with the word destruction or Tower,it represents

Sacrifice ----- Letting go ----- Surrendering ----- Passivity
Suspension ----- Acceptance ----- Renunciation ----- Patience
New point of view ----- Contemplation ----- Inner harmony
Conformism ----- Nonaction ----- Waiting ----- Giving up

Looks like I am in the Uttter state or flow of---Transformation->Destruction-->Hanged Man ( very bad )..:( :( :( :(